I was casually scrolling through my LinkedIn messages recently when a new connection request pinged onto my radar. It came with a cheeky little line that stopped me mid-flat white:
“Don’t worry—no pitch slaps, I promise.”
Pitch what now?
As The Pitch Doctor, I pride myself on knowing every contour, cadence and caffeine-fuelled curveball in the presentation world. But this one? It was a new one. So, like any self-respecting communicator, I hit the search engines faster than you can say “strategic synergy.”
Turns out, a “pitch slap” is the digital equivalent of being cornered at a networking event by someone who wants to sell you a timeshare in the Outer Hebrides. It’s when someone connects with you and immediately wallops you with a sales message so aggressive it should come with a health warning. No rapport, no relevance – just a straight-up slap with a sales sausage.
Now, don’t get me wrong – I love a good pitch. I’ve made a career out of perfecting them. But slapping someone with one before you’ve even exchanged a virtual handshake? That’s not pitching. That’s barging into a networking event with a megaphone and a QR code tattooed on your forehead.
Pitch Slapping & Other Crimes of Communication
This got me thinking: if pitch slap is now a thing (and it is), what other terrible tactics deserve names?
Let me introduce you to a few more faux-pas from the world of over-eager outreach:
Connect-and-Conquer: Firing off 500 connection requests like digital confetti, with no intention of meaningful engagement. It’s less ‘networking’ and more ‘net-not-working’.
Sales Slide Swipe: Sending your entire pitch deck in a direct message—usually unprompted, unwanted, and unread. Think of it as the PowerPoint equivalent of unsolicited… well, never mind.
Network Nagging: That persistent pinger who follows up every 48 hours with “Just circling back…” until you begin circling the block to escape.
These aren’t networking strategies. They’re hostage negotiation tactics dressed up in corporate casual.
And let’s be honest, pitch slapping is really just a desperate throwback to that old-school sales tactic known as “spray and pray.” You know the type – blast out 1,000 messages and hope something sticks, like cold spaghetti on a tiled wall.
As Neil Patel, co-founder of Neil Patel Digital wisely puts it
“If you still believe ‘Spray-and-Pray’ is a valid marketing tactic in 2025, you’re probably bleeding money you won’t see a return on!”
In other words – stop throwing pitches like darts in the dark. It’s time to aim with purpose. You can read his Linkedin piece Here
The Humourology Cure for the Pitch Slap
So, how do we fix this pandemic of premature pitching? With a triple shot of Humourology, of course.
Here are three principles to pitch by – designed to charm, not alarm:
1. Charm Before You Charge
Lead with likability. Say hello. Share something thoughtful. Build the bridge before trying to sell them a toll booth.
2. Make ‘Em Laugh Before You Make Your Move
Humour is rapport’s rocket fuel. A smile buys you time, attention and goodwill—precisely what a slapdash pitch never will.
3. Serve Before You Sell
Want to stand out? Be genuinely useful. Share insight, offer a resource, or show some interest in them before suggesting anything transactional. Generosity breeds trust – and trust breeds business.
Final Thought: Less Slap, More Chat
The best pitch? It doesn’t feel like a pitch at all. It feels like a conversation between equals. It lands gently, resonates deeply and respects the rhythm of real human connection.
So next time you feel the urge to fire off a cold pitch before someone’s warmed up? Take a breath. Read the room – even if it’s virtual.
Because when it comes to business, as in life, no one likes to be slapped. Not even with your “game-changing” solution.
Want to learn how to pitch without the slap? Visit Humourology or connect via PaulBoross.com. Just promise you won’t send me a slide deck in your first message…
See you next Tuesday.
Warmest,
Paul x
