It’s more than a motto for comedy clubs and TV specials – it’s a guiding principle for the best friendships in life. In fact, if you’re not getting a light rinsing from your mates every now and then, are you even in the gang?
For over 35 years, my Monday Night Club has met with metronomic regularity. The premise? Rehearse the same conversations, relive the same stories, and mercilessly mock the same youthful flaws with fresh zeal. The secret sauce? Mutual menace and mischief – all wrapped in unwavering affection.
Among my closest friends – the kind of people I see at my football club or those I invite into my circle – there’s an unspoken understanding: you’re going to get both barrels, and at some point, you’ll be loading the cannon yourself. Because real friendship isn’t saccharine. It’s a rough-and-tumble dance where love is laced with laughter, and every jab is wrapped in the reassurance of deep connection.
Psychologists have long observed that affectionate teasing is a form of relationship calibration. As Psychology Today notes, these playful jabs help us measure the strength of our bonds. If I tease you and you laugh – or better yet, fire one back – it’s not just a punchline. It’s a pulse-check on our friendship. We’re saying, “I know you, flaws and all… and I’m still here.”
This is why teasing amongst close friends doesn’t feel like bullying — it feels like belonging. It’s not about belittling; it’s about balancing. There’s a kind of karmic comedy at play: what goes around comes around. You may get called out for that time you missed an open goal, turned up in tragic trousers, or mangled a metaphor — but you will have your day in the sun, and your moment to point out someone else’s peccadillo.
But make no mistake: this game has rules. The people I love the most are bright enough to know them. They understand that humour is a high-trust sport. You don’t start swinging unless you’re confident the other person knows it’s a tickle, not a takedown. That’s why the true insult isn’t being teased — it’s being left out of the laughter altogether.
At football, for instance, the ultimate badge of belonging is being humorously harangued. If no one’s taken the mickey out of your missed penalty, your wind-assisted goal celebration, or your questionable new haircut, it might mean you’re not quite in yet. The teasing is the ticket to the tribe.
And neuroscience backs this up. Studies show that laughter rarely comes from actual jokes — it comes from social connection. Teasing creates a moment of emotional risk, and when your friend laughs instead of recoiling, it brings a flush of relief that bonds us even more tightly. It says, “We’re safe here. You’re seen. You’re accepted.”
But here’s the kicker — you’ve got to know when to holster the humour. Emotional intelligence means recognising when a joke’s a jab and when someone’s had enough. Great friends know when to go full roast, and when to switch to toast.
So how can you use this power for good?
Three Tips for Teasing That Builds, Not Breaks
Read the room (and the person)
Not everyone grew up with the same rules of engagement. Tease only those you trust — and trust that they’ll tell you if you’ve crossed the line.
Balance the banter with belief
Follow every dig with a dose of warmth. “You may be an appalling singer… but you’re my favourite one.” Let people know the mockery comes with love.
Play the long game
Friendship is a full season, not a single match. You may be in the barrel today, but the cannon will turn. Teasing works best when everyone gets their turn – and their moment of triumph.
So the next time you feel that teasing tingle in your brain, don’t hold back. Fire off a friendly barb – with wit, warmth and wisdom – and watch your relationships deepen through the delightful dance of mutual mickey-taking.
Because in the best friendships, laughter isn’t just the soundtrack – it’s the glue.
See you next Tuesday.
Warmest,
Paul x
This weeks’s blog took the Humourology Office back to our recent Podcast Episode with Justin Moorhouse who described it beautifully in the clip below
